Birthday Girl

I've been alive for 2 decades. 20 years. I feel overwhelmed (partially because I can't blame outbursts on being a teenager anymore -.-) mostly because I imagined myself to be at a different place when I hit my 20's. Because life is a learning experience and I've done a considerable amount of learning these 20 years, here's a list of things I've learned:

• I've learned that I need to set realistic goals. 
• I've learned that good things come to those who wait and do a fair amount of hard work. 
• I've learned that it's best to write about what you know. 
• I've learned that if you set forth your best foot you'll come to realize that it might not be your best foot. 
• I've learned that one can love too much and for the wrong reasons. 
• I've learned about family and what it means to put others before you. 
• I've learned that friends show their Meir in times of need. 
• I've learned that for the greater good some 'bad' things must be done. 
• I've learned that I love to dwell in the past because when you build on it you get the future. 
• I've learned that I might not be the most fun teacher but I am the most responsible. 
• I've learned to cut myself some slack because I'm my biggest critic. 
• I've learned that I won't stop learning anytime soon. 

As for the loot I received, I'm glad to say that it was all that I wanted, not completely what I expected, and the usual generosity my family demonstrates.

In other words, I got:

1. The Cuckoo's Calling.
2. A mug from my mom. 
3. A beautiful piece of bling (awesome ring). 
4. One of those shoe things you put rungs IN. 
5. Money from my dad. 
6. Hilarious cards from my siblings. 
7. A day without war from my brother -.- (although to be fair, he DID get me Khalid Hosseini's new book at Eid). 

I'd like to also thank my best friend (S.A.) for making me a great little video for my birthday. She tried to get me to send her some pictures of me to go in the video by making me think I had an overseas fan club and I wrecked that by being busy :/ It's a beautiful video and the gift I will treasure the most because even though she lives on a different continent, she did what people who live nearby didn't do. She took out lots of time from her daily life to make me something so beautiful and personal-- she made me feel special. 

Thank you. 

Sightless

I find myself hopelessly distracted from my classes and not for the usual reasons: lack of sleep, homework stress, running around campus all lost.

 No, the cause for my worry is a newfound fixation. I’ve noticed that we have a blind student on campus (although how blind he is I don’t know. He seems to look at people’s faces when talking to them but that could just be him turning his head to where the vicinity of the voice is). I first saw him in my English classroom. He’d had a class in there before me and was talking to the prof. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t seen many blind people in my life or just my habit of watching people, but I watched him use his white cane to find the door and then trail his hand across the door trying to find the handle. He started on the upper right side of the door and worked his way to the middle of the left before he found it. It was the most painful thing I’ve seen.  I don’t usually pity people for having disabilities or diseases because I have a disease myself (diabetes) and I loathe the feeling of being pitied (I also don’t see disabilities as setbacks; just something different a person has to work with)— but this guy… he’s become an obsession.

Every time I see him around campus I trail far behind him making sure he doesn’t fall down. I just walked into the library building and held my breath as he went up the stairs and then stepped onto air thinking there was another step. The other day I was walking and I turned around to see him behind me so started treading loudly stomping in hopes that he could hear me walking and maybe follow me to wherever he was going.

This guy looks like he’s in his mid 20’s so he’s fared far better without me all his life but I can’t help it. 

I want to know where all his classes are so I can take him to them and I don’t know if I feel sorry for him or if it’s because I’m imagining myself in his place:  In a lightless world without words to read, sights to behold. In darkness, untouched by the pleasures of being able to see even the most mundane things like droplets on a windowpane.