Sightless

I find myself hopelessly distracted from my classes and not for the usual reasons: lack of sleep, homework stress, running around campus all lost.

 No, the cause for my worry is a newfound fixation. I’ve noticed that we have a blind student on campus (although how blind he is I don’t know. He seems to look at people’s faces when talking to them but that could just be him turning his head to where the vicinity of the voice is). I first saw him in my English classroom. He’d had a class in there before me and was talking to the prof. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t seen many blind people in my life or just my habit of watching people, but I watched him use his white cane to find the door and then trail his hand across the door trying to find the handle. He started on the upper right side of the door and worked his way to the middle of the left before he found it. It was the most painful thing I’ve seen.  I don’t usually pity people for having disabilities or diseases because I have a disease myself (diabetes) and I loathe the feeling of being pitied (I also don’t see disabilities as setbacks; just something different a person has to work with)— but this guy… he’s become an obsession.

Every time I see him around campus I trail far behind him making sure he doesn’t fall down. I just walked into the library building and held my breath as he went up the stairs and then stepped onto air thinking there was another step. The other day I was walking and I turned around to see him behind me so started treading loudly stomping in hopes that he could hear me walking and maybe follow me to wherever he was going.

This guy looks like he’s in his mid 20’s so he’s fared far better without me all his life but I can’t help it. 

I want to know where all his classes are so I can take him to them and I don’t know if I feel sorry for him or if it’s because I’m imagining myself in his place:  In a lightless world without words to read, sights to behold. In darkness, untouched by the pleasures of being able to see even the most mundane things like droplets on a windowpane.